10 May 2006
Jade
More than just a green stone, not so much the flirtatious girl, or woman of easy virtue (though i sometimes claim those as my own). I've been a jade in the "to tire or dull through repetition or excess" sense. The french call it ennui and mean: a feeling of weariness and dissatisfaction, boredom.
Me, i've just been dull. disinterested. and callous.
you know the feeling when you're listening to someone talk because you know you sort of want to know what they have to say, but you wish they'd hurry up and say it and be on their way because you have better things to do like get a coffee, surf the net, and twiddle your thumbs? or when you don't notice how the other person in the conversation is doing, because you're so happy to have an opportunity to jabber away yourself?
i've been having this lately. quite a lot, actually. work's been spectacularly boring. the kind of frustrating boring, where you remember how 3 years ago you were on fire all the time, loved coming in to 'do battle' and spent 10-14 hours/day at work. there was some wheeling, there was some dealing. agreements were made, work was done, weekends were worked.. ok, not super healthy, but a major adrenaline fix and serious ego boost. my work was 'important'.
lately there has been a little boring work, a lot of answering of computer questions (how do i do this in Powerpoint?), and a lot of waiting for other people to give me info to start me on the avalanche of boring that I know is waiting up the pike.
so i've been restless. no doubt some of it has to do with the weird winter we just had and all the cabin-induced fever. and i'm willing to bet some of it is the waiting to get out of Detroit and on to another location, another project, another rollercoaster.
during the day i'm fidgety, want to go ride my bike and play outside. until i'm done with work, that is. Then i only want to go home, eat something and lay in front of the TV. Maybe knit, maybe sew. But mostly lay, and watch the stories. Not healthy. the bike thing surprises me, but i'm trying to feel out this new phase with the bike anyway, so i haven't been pushing it too hard.
Today I rolled into work at the crack of 9:30, and around 10, I made a 4:40 appointment with my Chiropractor. After doing some new kinds of boring paperwork at the office, I headed out. Pat, the Chiro's receptionist, was having a crappy day. we chatted and she put me in on the massage table, cranked it up a little higher than normal and it work my back for about 15 minutes. it's like a wave that moves up and down the spine, pushing and moving and massaging. so relaxing, i usually start to dream a little when i'm on that table. Then the good doctor cracked me into place, did some nice hands-on pushing my muscles to relax, and they ran the vibrator over my back.
It made me think. I hadn't done anything cool for myself in a while. Oh, i've been out doing some very productive binge drinking, but i haven't been treating myself to long bike rides, or walks in the park by myself, massages, pedicures, or yoga..
Last summer I was taking Wednesdays to Yoga, and then walk in the park, watch the cottonwood sees float on the air currents, and consider social heierarchies while watching the mallards conduct their business in the stream.
It's Wednesday, so off I went to Updog Yoga in Rochester. I love their studio and have been an occasional attendee for a couple of years. Heidi's Basic II class is fun, and kinda playful. Last year I did my first handstand there. Tonight was great. They were happy to see me, recognized me though it'd been months, and the class did not disappoint in the challenging department. I also like yoga for the meditative quality, and tonight's little takehome message was great. It had to do with luck. And how lucky are you? Push the boundaries a little. Try your luck. But be aware of how lucky you are every day. We did one challenging pose (balance on right foot and right arm, with left arm holding left foot straight out and up towards ceiling) and she joked about being so lucky, because you have another side of the body to try it with. So we switched, and balanced on the left side, with the right up in the air.
Luckyluckylucky indeeeeeeed.
Lately I haven't been as 'plugged in' to my world. I've been grasping and trying to hold it tight, instead of letting it flow and enjoying it as it passes. I've been trying to wring something interesting into my job (because i act out when i'm bored, and it would be best if I could keep that under wraps for a little while longer...). I've been a little nervous about the relocation prospects, and trying to jam as much into my time as possible. I've been stretching to grab onto Scott and squeeeeeeze every last bit of enjoyment out of him before I get tossed to another continent.
Which is hilarious, because at first, I was the one saying "slow! slow! you can't hold me by grasping!" but here I am trying to do that with him and our time together.
Ach.
So, here we are. Yoga was good and happy. And i'm going to try to be there again next week, cool people in the class.
After yoga I went to Trader Joe's, my local hippiefun grocery store (Whole Foods is the more serious hippy market), and picked up a bunch of food that i'll eat as lunches, in salads, as dinners, and snacks (do you ever have the problem that you buy food that sounds like a good idea, and then you never want to eat it? so you buy snacks out of vending machines or stop for takeout?). And made myself a very yummy southwest chicken spinach salad. Happily complimented with a Cuba Libre (with Nicaraguan rum, blogger fuel of Champions).
Good lord, life is good. and it's raining. lightning/thunder with a soaking rain. it felt good to take my bags of groceries into the house while being pelted with fresh water. I'll have to read that hiking magazine and start planning my next trip. wuhu.
Me, i've just been dull. disinterested. and callous.
you know the feeling when you're listening to someone talk because you know you sort of want to know what they have to say, but you wish they'd hurry up and say it and be on their way because you have better things to do like get a coffee, surf the net, and twiddle your thumbs? or when you don't notice how the other person in the conversation is doing, because you're so happy to have an opportunity to jabber away yourself?
i've been having this lately. quite a lot, actually. work's been spectacularly boring. the kind of frustrating boring, where you remember how 3 years ago you were on fire all the time, loved coming in to 'do battle' and spent 10-14 hours/day at work. there was some wheeling, there was some dealing. agreements were made, work was done, weekends were worked.. ok, not super healthy, but a major adrenaline fix and serious ego boost. my work was 'important'.
lately there has been a little boring work, a lot of answering of computer questions (how do i do this in Powerpoint?), and a lot of waiting for other people to give me info to start me on the avalanche of boring that I know is waiting up the pike.
so i've been restless. no doubt some of it has to do with the weird winter we just had and all the cabin-induced fever. and i'm willing to bet some of it is the waiting to get out of Detroit and on to another location, another project, another rollercoaster.
during the day i'm fidgety, want to go ride my bike and play outside. until i'm done with work, that is. Then i only want to go home, eat something and lay in front of the TV. Maybe knit, maybe sew. But mostly lay, and watch the stories. Not healthy. the bike thing surprises me, but i'm trying to feel out this new phase with the bike anyway, so i haven't been pushing it too hard.
Today I rolled into work at the crack of 9:30, and around 10, I made a 4:40 appointment with my Chiropractor. After doing some new kinds of boring paperwork at the office, I headed out. Pat, the Chiro's receptionist, was having a crappy day. we chatted and she put me in on the massage table, cranked it up a little higher than normal and it work my back for about 15 minutes. it's like a wave that moves up and down the spine, pushing and moving and massaging. so relaxing, i usually start to dream a little when i'm on that table. Then the good doctor cracked me into place, did some nice hands-on pushing my muscles to relax, and they ran the vibrator over my back.
It made me think. I hadn't done anything cool for myself in a while. Oh, i've been out doing some very productive binge drinking, but i haven't been treating myself to long bike rides, or walks in the park by myself, massages, pedicures, or yoga..
Last summer I was taking Wednesdays to Yoga, and then walk in the park, watch the cottonwood sees float on the air currents, and consider social heierarchies while watching the mallards conduct their business in the stream.
It's Wednesday, so off I went to Updog Yoga in Rochester. I love their studio and have been an occasional attendee for a couple of years. Heidi's Basic II class is fun, and kinda playful. Last year I did my first handstand there. Tonight was great. They were happy to see me, recognized me though it'd been months, and the class did not disappoint in the challenging department. I also like yoga for the meditative quality, and tonight's little takehome message was great. It had to do with luck. And how lucky are you? Push the boundaries a little. Try your luck. But be aware of how lucky you are every day. We did one challenging pose (balance on right foot and right arm, with left arm holding left foot straight out and up towards ceiling) and she joked about being so lucky, because you have another side of the body to try it with. So we switched, and balanced on the left side, with the right up in the air.
Luckyluckylucky indeeeeeeed.
Lately I haven't been as 'plugged in' to my world. I've been grasping and trying to hold it tight, instead of letting it flow and enjoying it as it passes. I've been trying to wring something interesting into my job (because i act out when i'm bored, and it would be best if I could keep that under wraps for a little while longer...). I've been a little nervous about the relocation prospects, and trying to jam as much into my time as possible. I've been stretching to grab onto Scott and squeeeeeeze every last bit of enjoyment out of him before I get tossed to another continent.
Which is hilarious, because at first, I was the one saying "slow! slow! you can't hold me by grasping!" but here I am trying to do that with him and our time together.
Ach.
So, here we are. Yoga was good and happy. And i'm going to try to be there again next week, cool people in the class.
After yoga I went to Trader Joe's, my local hippiefun grocery store (Whole Foods is the more serious hippy market), and picked up a bunch of food that i'll eat as lunches, in salads, as dinners, and snacks (do you ever have the problem that you buy food that sounds like a good idea, and then you never want to eat it? so you buy snacks out of vending machines or stop for takeout?). And made myself a very yummy southwest chicken spinach salad. Happily complimented with a Cuba Libre (with Nicaraguan rum, blogger fuel of Champions).
Good lord, life is good. and it's raining. lightning/thunder with a soaking rain. it felt good to take my bags of groceries into the house while being pelted with fresh water. I'll have to read that hiking magazine and start planning my next trip. wuhu.
