28 June 2006

 

preparations and decisions

so this trip to .de is going to be a look and see trip. i'm going to go check out the company in hallstadt and surroundings, figure out if i could live in their apartments, shop in their grocery stores, bike shops, yarn stores, and whatever.

mm.

a decision. a committment. this is what is needed.

the company is pressing forth, though, with the assumption that i'll be choosing the move.
i still have a decision to make. and i'm freaked. i'll be fine one minute and gasping sobs the next. i'm trying to hold it down at work, save those feelings for later. but i well up now and then.

thank god my shrink is going to fit me in tomorrow before i leave.

with that whole grandfather thing that just happened, and the happy family wedding i attended with scott this past weekend, i just keep thinking about what i could/would/might be missing in the lives of the people i love.

my mom and dad were so sad when my sister moved away. i just know they're going to be sad again, and plus i'm going to miss the hell out of them. grandma is getting up there, and not doing so well these days.

Jane, get me off this crazy thing... called "love".

21 June 2006

 

recovering from the LJ100

yow. so monday i didn't ride. tuesday i got on the bike for about half an hour, rode a bit, tried not to push it. my knees are still sore inside. but i got off the bike at 7:30pm and laid down. just for a minute.

suddenly the alarm was going off. it was 6am. hmm. someone was tired.

20 June 2006

 

lumberjack - race recount

This weekend I completed 50 miles of a 100-mile race. I didn't win. I didn't finish. I'm really happy with my results.

It strikes me as difficult to explain this to people who aren't athletically competitive, because it took me going out of my way and trying it to understand. In fact, I didn't really get it until I did an endurance event by myself.

This weekend I took part in the Lumberjack100, Michigan's only 100 mile mountain bike race. I'd done the Ore to Shore, 48 miles, and most of it on snowmobile trails. The Lumberjack is 100% singletrack - meaning, it's all narrow winding trail with roots and rocks, logs, switchbacks, and lots of sand.

It was my second attempt. The race starts at 7am. We've got to be onsite by about 6am. Lately I'm sleeping until about 7:30, so getting up at 5 is a shock to my system. Last year I tried to eat breakfast at that unnatural hour. 10 miles into the trail my system rejected it. Or, more accurately, Ejected it. After that I couldn't really eat, but managed to get 48 more miles under my belt.

This year, I skipped breakfast. That was a good move. On the trail I relied on bottles of water, packets of Gu (sugary syrup with lots of electrolytes and vitamins), and Jelly Belly's Sport Beans. In the pit area I ate a couple of pop tarts. This year, stomach was not a problem.

3 weeks ago my grandfather was ailing, and passed. For a week or two I spent all of my free time and energy on the family activities associated with that event. Afterwards, I just didn't really feel motivated to get myself back on the bike. So it'd been about 3 weeks since I'd ridden at all. On top of that, the Wednesday before the race I pickled the hell out of myself on a business trip with some coworkers. There was beer and wine and mixed drinks and shots, and a little bit of dancing on the bar. I think my body didn't fully process that alcohol out until ~20 miles into the race course on Saturday.

It was also the second hot day of the year, with temps around 93, high humidity and bright sun. Last year I scored 58 miles in perfect conditions - it was ~70 and overcast, beautiful for riding.

So, it was hot, I hadn't been training, but I'd been abusing my liver. Will the excuses never stop, you ask? I'm giving background, not trying to pass the buck. These were all my decisions (ok, not the weather..). But I'm proud of all of this.

I went 50 miles, got 2 of 4 laps in. The first lap was good, but slow. During the second lap, I started cramping about 5 miles in and stopped at an aid station around the 8 miles mark. I'd been going 3mph up a slight incline and my Heart Rate Monitor showed 180bpm (my max HR is ~195). I didn't feel like I was pushing it, but I did feel tired. When I got off the course to rest and regroup, I had a resting heart rate between 100 and 110bpm. Normally I'm 67-74 resting. I sat in the shade, drank water, ate a pop tart and tried to figure out if I could finish a second lap.

My Mom encouraged me to keep my options open. She asked, "How do you want to think of this tomorrow?" It was about noon. I'd been on the bike for ~5hours. I knew that I could probably make the rest of the lap, and wanted to give it a try. Slow and steady, "You're just out for an afternoon ride," my Dad said. And I did have all afternoon to finish those miles. I took most of it, too.

The ride was beautiful. It was breezy sunny, and went through some gorgeous terrain. Bench cut trails that had probably been made in the 30's by the CCC. Passing under fluttering oak trees as the trail went along a high sandy ridge.

I spent those last 17 miles cramping, popping electrolyte caplets, drinking water, walking the bike. Riding down the hills.

Near the end my jersey stopped being soaked. I'd stopped sweating and started getting goosebumps. Bring on the Heat Exhaustion. I made it to the end and set my bike down. I sat in a chair and our Super Support Gal, Miss Marts, made me some recovery drink.

I think it's hard to explain this to people, maybe because I couldn't understand it myself. But I didn't win. I didn't even finish. I pushed really hard, and am proud of that. The race will be there next year. Maybe I'll give it another shot.

It was really cool that my parents were there. They're such good cheerleaders. :) Nick, Marts, and I had breakfast with them on Father's day. I was sore. Back, knees, hands, shoulders. Sore but happy.

06 June 2006

 

I did that once!

I was sitting in a comfy chair at Borders Books. I had a pile of books about Germany, travelling Europe, and hostels in my lap.

I was flipping through a book called Europe By Rail, it had a nice picture of a train on the cover.

This girl (22ish, bleached blonde hair that was unkempt but tamed with a headband, brown tank top with sparklies, long 'distressed' jeans, and flip flops) came up to me, and caught my attention over the top of my book.

"Oh! I did that once!" she said.

"Oh? Eurorailling?" I asked.

"No. Shaved my head."

Of course. Why didn't I guess that?

03 June 2006

 

Joe Dodd - Closing the Book

Grandpa's viewings were fun. I got to chat with family from out of town. Many of whom I'd heard of but never met.

A couple of my coworkers came, which surprised me. I hadn't been very vocal about the details of the arrangements. They came, stayed for a little while, and sent some really gorgeous flowers. As they left I cried big alligator tears into my Dad's hug. I can hold my shit together when stuff's going on. But when people are all sweet and caring to me, I just fall right apart.

Scott came, looking totally sharp in his shirt and tie. He met Grandma, said Hi to my folks. My 8month pregnant cousin Betty flirted a little. It was fun. I walked him out and he gave me a huge hug. It was very good of him to come.

The funeral was run by Grandpa's nephew, which might make him my second cousin... Either way, a very sweet man and an elder in his church in the UP. All the grandkids (except Ginny, who was on a boat in the Pacific) stood up and said a few words.

We all told stories about Grandpa Joe. There were always stories about food - usually barbecue related, but also including stories of cracker parties and his famous peanut butter, american cheese and mayo sandwiches. Not to mention his cooking practices - how to tell when the meat's done and other grill skillz, or the fact that dinner's not going to be any good if you forget to Baste the Chef.

And I think everyone hit on what they learned from him. There were stories of natural sciences, pickin up sailors, engineering, and military life. He taught us all different things. He always had a story, and was happy to share.

When I visited, as the only other mechanical engineer in the family, he'd talk about problems he'd solved. Tell me about fixing typewriters, diesel engines, his first job - working for the Otis Elevator company back when they were making Anti-Aircraft guns for WWII.

My Dad, Joe's son in law, told about his impressions of Joe as he started courting my mother, that he was always warm and welcoming. Dad was really prepared, all of us grandkids just got up there and cried a bit and gave our broken homages. Dad had it all written down, anecdotes and all. (Note to self).

Joe's brother and sister also spoke, about how Joe was a great family member - attending all kinds of graduations, anniversaries and birthday parties. He loved children and spoke to them as smart little people. They also spoke of him as a good role model, as a father and husband.

The service closed with about half the room singing along to a recording of Tura Lura Lura, an irish lullabye he sung to us all.

Grandpa was buried in the family plot, on a hill under a big shade tree. With military honors. The flag went to Grandma.

We then proceeded to the Racquteball Club for a dessert first buffet with open bar in his honor. He was toasted and feasted.

He'll be missed. But we all learned from him, and carry that with us.

Like, who else knows how to use a wristwatch as a compass? That's an old Joe Dodd trick.

Let me tell you a funny one.. he'd say.

02 June 2006

 

how he went

Sunday I spent the whole night at the hospital with my parents, two aunts and a pregnant cousin. These were not the aunts I've been close to while i was growing up. We're a breed of strong minded women, and there have been a lot of feuds. But I was glad they were there.

These two aunts spent the night crackin wise and flipping everyone off. My Dad and I went on a 1am fast food/playing card run, and when we came back one aunt went over to grandpa's bed and said, "We just got some cards, Joe Dodd, and we're going to play Dirty Hearts, but we're not going to deal you in, because you CHEAT!"

I just about laughed my head off. The man can barely raise his hand, and needed help turning over in the bed, but if he could have he'd have been sharking us at Hearts.

We did the allnighter after they took him off all his meds. We waited with him while his body metabolized all the potassium left in his system. My folks dropped me off Monday morning. I caught a couple hours of sleep and then went back to the hospital (very easy, as i live ~4miles away). I found Grandma and one aunt there. Gradma and I had lunch, we split a personal pizza in the cafeteria, mended some fences and caught up. I split out after a couple of hours and went back to the techno fest.

After I left, I hear that Mom and more of her sisters went to the hospital. They took a little stereo with them and played some WWII love songs. Grandpa was dancing in the bed, they were doing the Can-Can in their chairs. Sounds like it was a party.

When I came back after work on Tuesday, both my folks were there, as well as one of the aunts and the pregnant cousin. When I got there he told me that the bedsore was a pain in his ass. A little while later he told a story about Bootleggers in the Navy - using blankets like cowboy bootleggers did in the stories he read as a boy.

Because Grandpa was in Hospice, they could give him whatever he wanted, basically. So they brought in some Chardonnay. My Dad put it into a plastic cup with a bendy straw and offered it to Grandpa. He pushed his oxygen mask up and took a coupla sips. He smiled, smacked his lips and whispered, "Ooh, that's nice.."

He was dead about an hour later.

After we did what there was to be done at the hospital, we headed over to hte Max and Ermas. My aunt from Texas ordered 10 margaritas as she sat down. Thinking ahead, I asked for 3 orders of those hot chocolate chip cookies. Because if that's one thing we know how to do, it's drink and eat cookies. :) Everyone that was in town showed up to that dinner.

Today is the viewing. It starts with lunch at Grandma's house, a family open casket viewing, and then public closed casket viewings (with a generous break for dinner).

Saturday will be the funeral - 3pm at the funeral home, then we're headed to the cemetary for military honors. Then we're off to the Racquetball Club for a buffet dinner, open bar and some dancing.

My peeps love to party. :)

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