10 October 2006

 

2006. Let's get it Over with.

This year has been tough. I said that last year wasn't pivotal. I think this year was. It's been turbulent and knocked a lot of things off their axes.

I haven't been cycling as much, soured off of racing a bit from last year's failures in the Expert class. I broke up and got back together about 17 times, that left a mark. My car got backed into twice while I was parked and a back window was smashed out. I did knit a lot, but not near as much as I wanted to. There's been a lot of turnover at work, friends breaking up or divorcing, considering suicide, or struggling through their own trials. A few people I'm close to moved away - one to Georgia, one to Texas, two to Washington State, two back to Germany.

January - Sewing Machine, Sault Ste. Marie Canada Board trip. Ford took a big old crap and really whomped our industry with their "Way Forward"
February - Ski trip to Boyne with old friends and new ones
March - Visited Sheila in AK
April - Scarlet Fever, Cabin Fever, Pia moved away.
May - Grandfather was in and out of the hospital, lots of family time.
June - Grandfather Passed, Funereal events. Lumberjack with the 'Rents, temps in the 90's, I got heat exhaustion and only rode 50 miles. Grandma diagnosed with Cancer
July - Gramma in Chemo. I was in Germany during the World Cup, great visit with Pia and decision about my potential job there. One cousin bore first wedlocked kid of my generation
August - Gramma in Chemo. A different cousin got married
September - Gramma's Cancer in remission. Hardest struggles about Germany job, I almost quit my company.
October - Great Aunt Passed. Boss/Friend returned to Germany.

It just seems like it's touched everyone this year. Coworkers have lost Mothers, Brothers and Fathers.

I'm just ready for it to be done. My year will end early, or at least my American 06. I'm off to Germany December 1. So I'll be doing all of my retrospectives in November/December. Betcha I'm the first one on the retrospective bandwagon this year..

09 October 2006

 

Tough Broads - Auntie Et, Reprise

Great Aunt Ethel, Auntie Et. She passed today. She lived alone in Ann Arbor, in a small house with 20-some cats always coming and going. The house has been donated to shelter people training for missionary work. The cats have been taken by other aunts and cousins, cat-ladies down to their toes.

Late one weeknight in 97 or 98, my friend Stephanie and I carried her out of the U of M hospital, packed her into the back seat (not the back-back) of my teal Escort Wagon and drove her to her house a few miles away. We had to carry her up the front porch stairs on our linked arms. For a small woman, she was heavy. She'd tripped and broken her foot in one of those freak delicate-old-lady accidents. She always wore Permanent Press Sears plaid dresses, the kind with a tie belt, patch pockets and a big zipper up the front.

She was a knitter. Usually knitting for babies in her church. Layette sets. Amongst her things there was a thank you note my mom had written back in 1980. This is yours truly in an orange Et original:


I've inherited a bunch of her needles and some yarn. I won't be attending services, but I'll be thinking of her. She always remembered our birthdays.

07 October 2006

 

Friendship stretching

In stretching and struggling to accommodate new circumstances, a person's internal problem solving methods become visible. Decision making patterns come to light and their true values show through. Advsersity is historically a great time to learn about one's self and others.

In 8 weeks I'll cross the dark Atlantic and start a new phase in Germany. Already some people are pulling away from me, concerned about an imminent "loss" (like Europe is so far away!). Others are drawing closer, trying to be part of my last few weeks.

It's sad and cold to me that some of the people in my life are making it an early termination. Like, if I'm not going to be here forever, then I'm not worth knowing. I'm not trying to start much in the way of new relationships, I'm just trying to prolong the magic with the people I've so enjoyed.

I'm trying to look at this as a lesson. I try to be the kind of friend that stays in it 'til the end. I don't want someone who's been part of my life to feel like I'm cutting them out early because they're facing a change, especially one they choose for themselves.

I don't want to step out early, not be there. I want to be a friend that holds hands and raises toasts as people I know and love move into new phases.

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