26 April 2006
Racing my Neuroses
It's April. I've had serious mental illness about racing already. I've finally come to admit: I don't have either time or desire to train enough to be competitive with the women in the Expert class. They're talented and devoted, and I'm too much of a slacker to keep up.
I spent last summer beating myself up for being last-place Expert (all season) and driving myself crazy and being depressed about the training I wasn't doing enough of.
The week before the Whiskey Creek stage race I started on a new saddle. It's kinda roadie, and it's an ass hatchet at first, but when I get used to it, it's wonderful. So I wasn't used to it yet. I did pretty poorly at Saturday's races, and on Sunday at the XC race I was almost crying as I got on the bike, my keister hurt so much. But I perservered.
As I was going out for my sixth and final lap of the sandy sandy course, the winner of my class was at the finish line cheering me on. I almost cried. No, really, nice of her and all.. but I was in ass agony, and there she was, already drinking her recovery drink and I was going another round with the sandy hills. I should have stopped then.
But it only made me more depressed and crazy about the bike. I was determined. I started getting dropped on the Thursday night Rhino rides every week. Oh yeah, that was good for the bike self-esteem. (But fun to ride with Linda who would hang back with me as I gasped up the hills).
Then I was angry at the (rented fully) bike in Oregon. That I couldn't whiz right up the hills (read: mountains), and when I got back and rode my own tinkerbell hardtail I got all tentative, and less interested in racing/riding.
I think the hard truth is that with the training I do, I'm a sport rider, and I can be cool with that. I'm not ready to give up enough to be a competitive Expert rider. I have too much joi de vivre, too many other interests.
It took a lot of mental haranguing, angst, and a few tears, but I've decided to race Sport. I knew I wasn't cut out for Expert this year, but my Inner Critic expected everyone to say "Couldn't hack it? eh? Gave up? Quitter." I was pretty disappointed about it at first, but I'm ready to have a fun summer. Ride my bike, hang out with my friends, go camping, do some backpacking.
The more relaxed attitude of a Sport rider suits me better. It means I can have that deep fried cheesecake for dessert every now and then. I can go ride all the singletrack I want. Or not. It means that when I look at my bike, I smile. When I go out on my bike I'm happy. I can do this Sport thing, get all the riding and exercise I want, and focus on all the other parts of my life that are fabulous, and not to be missed.
Thanks to all my friends who've been all supportive and understanding. And to everyone else who didn't say what my Internal Critic expected you to say.
I spent last summer beating myself up for being last-place Expert (all season) and driving myself crazy and being depressed about the training I wasn't doing enough of.
The week before the Whiskey Creek stage race I started on a new saddle. It's kinda roadie, and it's an ass hatchet at first, but when I get used to it, it's wonderful. So I wasn't used to it yet. I did pretty poorly at Saturday's races, and on Sunday at the XC race I was almost crying as I got on the bike, my keister hurt so much. But I perservered.
As I was going out for my sixth and final lap of the sandy sandy course, the winner of my class was at the finish line cheering me on. I almost cried. No, really, nice of her and all.. but I was in ass agony, and there she was, already drinking her recovery drink and I was going another round with the sandy hills. I should have stopped then.
But it only made me more depressed and crazy about the bike. I was determined. I started getting dropped on the Thursday night Rhino rides every week. Oh yeah, that was good for the bike self-esteem. (But fun to ride with Linda who would hang back with me as I gasped up the hills).
Then I was angry at the (rented fully) bike in Oregon. That I couldn't whiz right up the hills (read: mountains), and when I got back and rode my own tinkerbell hardtail I got all tentative, and less interested in racing/riding.
I think the hard truth is that with the training I do, I'm a sport rider, and I can be cool with that. I'm not ready to give up enough to be a competitive Expert rider. I have too much joi de vivre, too many other interests.
It took a lot of mental haranguing, angst, and a few tears, but I've decided to race Sport. I knew I wasn't cut out for Expert this year, but my Inner Critic expected everyone to say "Couldn't hack it? eh? Gave up? Quitter." I was pretty disappointed about it at first, but I'm ready to have a fun summer. Ride my bike, hang out with my friends, go camping, do some backpacking.
The more relaxed attitude of a Sport rider suits me better. It means I can have that deep fried cheesecake for dessert every now and then. I can go ride all the singletrack I want. Or not. It means that when I look at my bike, I smile. When I go out on my bike I'm happy. I can do this Sport thing, get all the riding and exercise I want, and focus on all the other parts of my life that are fabulous, and not to be missed.
Thanks to all my friends who've been all supportive and understanding. And to everyone else who didn't say what my Internal Critic expected you to say.
25 April 2006
knitnotes
my pal datawhat had a link to these people who do graffiti type tags with knits.
from there i found..
a tank cozy
and bleeding things which are categorized as knitting, but look a whole lot like crochet. *shhh* don't tell anyone. ..but they do count as messed up fiber art, which i so enjoy. :)
plus also, i just got to the you knit what blog, which is a lot like the Go Fug Yourself blog
but not as celebrity, and not as funny, but with knitting patterns, which I dearly love to lampoon. dear god, I'm not a pattern girl myself, but I read the knitting books for the pictures (screw the articles!), and holy humping heyseus, those knitwear designers come up with some crazy shit and want us to make it/wear it. yak.
and i want to wear this on september 19th. ahoy mateys.
from there i found..
a tank cozy
and bleeding things which are categorized as knitting, but look a whole lot like crochet. *shhh* don't tell anyone. ..but they do count as messed up fiber art, which i so enjoy. :)
plus also, i just got to the you knit what blog, which is a lot like the Go Fug Yourself blog
but not as celebrity, and not as funny, but with knitting patterns, which I dearly love to lampoon. dear god, I'm not a pattern girl myself, but I read the knitting books for the pictures (screw the articles!), and holy humping heyseus, those knitwear designers come up with some crazy shit and want us to make it/wear it. yak.
and i want to wear this on september 19th. ahoy mateys.
19 April 2006
Cabin Fever is just Bad Latitude
The cabin fever has finally broken.
I'm feeling easier now.
February and March are the worst for me. I get cagey. More intense. I drink more. I put on weight. It's not fun, and it's not pretty. I want to ditch everything and leave, but even when I travel, it's not enough.
This winter was extra tough because I couldn't do any of my favorite outdoor winter sports. It started snowing on Thanksgiving, and kept it up for most of a month. Then on Christmas day it started raining. And we couldn't keep any accumulation after that. It's no fun snowboarding down an ice sheet, or even a dirty slushy hill.
True, I wandered up to Searchmont and Boyne, and got a great powder day in AK, but that was the extent of it. No local skiing to speak of. I made one foray into XC skiing in December, when we had a foot of snow. That's it. In 3 sentences, all of my winter outdoor activities.
I did a bunch of treadmill running at the gym. I picked up heavy things and set them back down. But it's not the same as getting hours of natural light and fresh air when you're playing out in the big blue room.
I'd been out on a couple of bike rides without as many layers of overclothing, but it took one good solid weekend of sunshine to fix me up.
Friday night Scott drove us into Royal Oak. Yellow jeep, top down, temps in the upper 70's. We had tacos at a mexican joint and ate them at the tables on the sidewalk. Watching the traffic go by, feeling the breeze, sun setting. It got cooler, so I pulled on my shawl and we walked the strip. Got some gelato, ate it while strolling.
Saturday morning I drove us up to my parents' cottage. We helped dad cut down a tree, walked around on the beach, soaked up the sun. Sunday was easter. We had candy for breakfast, then Scott, Dad and I went for a dip in the lake (frrrrrreeezing), and ran(/walked) a couple miles. I took Scott up the coast to the Sturgeon Point Lighthouse (he'd never seen a real lighthouse before), we saw wild turkeys at the railroad crossing on our way back. And 5 deer at another RR Xing on our way home.
It was a weekend of bright eyeblue skies, sun, white fluffy clouds and cool breezes.
I've been considering a move to Sweden for work. I think it probably won't work out - what with my cabin fever being so bad at this latitude.
Auburn Hills, MI 42.6N
Copper Harbor, MI 47.5N
Seattle, WA, 47.6N
Bamberg, Germany, 49.9N
Saskatoon, Saskatchewan 52.1N
Sitka, AK 57.07
Gothenburg, Sweden, 57.8N
Juneau, AK, 58.3N
I'm feeling easier now.
February and March are the worst for me. I get cagey. More intense. I drink more. I put on weight. It's not fun, and it's not pretty. I want to ditch everything and leave, but even when I travel, it's not enough.
This winter was extra tough because I couldn't do any of my favorite outdoor winter sports. It started snowing on Thanksgiving, and kept it up for most of a month. Then on Christmas day it started raining. And we couldn't keep any accumulation after that. It's no fun snowboarding down an ice sheet, or even a dirty slushy hill.
True, I wandered up to Searchmont and Boyne, and got a great powder day in AK, but that was the extent of it. No local skiing to speak of. I made one foray into XC skiing in December, when we had a foot of snow. That's it. In 3 sentences, all of my winter outdoor activities.
I did a bunch of treadmill running at the gym. I picked up heavy things and set them back down. But it's not the same as getting hours of natural light and fresh air when you're playing out in the big blue room.
I'd been out on a couple of bike rides without as many layers of overclothing, but it took one good solid weekend of sunshine to fix me up.
Friday night Scott drove us into Royal Oak. Yellow jeep, top down, temps in the upper 70's. We had tacos at a mexican joint and ate them at the tables on the sidewalk. Watching the traffic go by, feeling the breeze, sun setting. It got cooler, so I pulled on my shawl and we walked the strip. Got some gelato, ate it while strolling.
Saturday morning I drove us up to my parents' cottage. We helped dad cut down a tree, walked around on the beach, soaked up the sun. Sunday was easter. We had candy for breakfast, then Scott, Dad and I went for a dip in the lake (frrrrrreeezing), and ran(/walked) a couple miles. I took Scott up the coast to the Sturgeon Point Lighthouse (he'd never seen a real lighthouse before), we saw wild turkeys at the railroad crossing on our way back. And 5 deer at another RR Xing on our way home.
It was a weekend of bright eyeblue skies, sun, white fluffy clouds and cool breezes.
I've been considering a move to Sweden for work. I think it probably won't work out - what with my cabin fever being so bad at this latitude.
Auburn Hills, MI 42.6N
Copper Harbor, MI 47.5N
Seattle, WA, 47.6N
Bamberg, Germany, 49.9N
Saskatoon, Saskatchewan 52.1N
Sitka, AK 57.07
Gothenburg, Sweden, 57.8N
Juneau, AK, 58.3N
12 April 2006
Scarlet Fever
My first week back from Alaska, I went for a couple of nice bike rides after work. That first weekend back I met Scott's family at a 3year old's birthday party. Wow, kids everywhere, lots of mayhem. I liked his sister and brother in law pretty well. But I think I caught something from one of those little petri dishes with legs.
The party was Sunday, and Tuesday I woke with a sore throat. No biggie, still went on my bike ride. Wednesday, same sore throat, coming home from the office I stripped to change into bike clothes, and noticed a red spotty rash all over my pasty white abdoment. Shit. shitshitshit. No riding. Thursday morning I visited my general practicioner. Scarlet fever, he said. It's a strep infection, where your body has an allergic reaction to a toxin that the bacteria puts out. So your skin gets a fine itchy red rash all over. The in-store strep detector said it wasn't strep, so he sent a culture to the lab.
As one friend said, "wow, scarlet fever? that's so....little house on the praire! don't they have shots for that crap now?"
Yep, Scarlet Fever. Yep, Little House on the Prairie. Nope, no shots. And it's damned itchy.
If you overdo it with strep, it turns into Rheumatoid fever and destroys your heart muscles. Sooooo, no work until Monday. And no workouts. I was effectively on vacation. And it was beautiful out, but I couldn't go outside and play. I soaked in Aveeno baths, and tried not to scratch. Sat on the couch a lot, knit a hooded cape, and watched a bunch of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (courtesy of Scott).
It was relaxing, but with the weather so good I was miserable hangin out inside.
Monday I called in for lab results and found out it wasn't strep at all, so I got to stop the anti-biotics early (woohoo!). This meant it was some sort of wacky viral infection. After about a week the rash went away.
Thanks kiddies. That infection was birth control enough for me for a while. Mmm.
The party was Sunday, and Tuesday I woke with a sore throat. No biggie, still went on my bike ride. Wednesday, same sore throat, coming home from the office I stripped to change into bike clothes, and noticed a red spotty rash all over my pasty white abdoment. Shit. shitshitshit. No riding. Thursday morning I visited my general practicioner. Scarlet fever, he said. It's a strep infection, where your body has an allergic reaction to a toxin that the bacteria puts out. So your skin gets a fine itchy red rash all over. The in-store strep detector said it wasn't strep, so he sent a culture to the lab.
As one friend said, "wow, scarlet fever? that's so....little house on the praire! don't they have shots for that crap now?"
Yep, Scarlet Fever. Yep, Little House on the Prairie. Nope, no shots. And it's damned itchy.
If you overdo it with strep, it turns into Rheumatoid fever and destroys your heart muscles. Sooooo, no work until Monday. And no workouts. I was effectively on vacation. And it was beautiful out, but I couldn't go outside and play. I soaked in Aveeno baths, and tried not to scratch. Sat on the couch a lot, knit a hooded cape, and watched a bunch of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (courtesy of Scott).
It was relaxing, but with the weather so good I was miserable hangin out inside.
Monday I called in for lab results and found out it wasn't strep at all, so I got to stop the anti-biotics early (woohoo!). This meant it was some sort of wacky viral infection. After about a week the rash went away.
Thanks kiddies. That infection was birth control enough for me for a while. Mmm.
05 April 2006
Home and On the Move
Work has been ..work. But I've translated my resume over to German, and sent it out to anyone I know in .de who might be interested. We'll see what shakes out.
I have an interview Thursday for an R&D/liason position HQ'd out of the Detroit office. I really think I want to be in Germany for a couple of years. The 4-6mos of indoctrination don't seem like enough.
It'll be interesting to talk about, though.
On the not good news side: a bunch of friends and coworkers are clearing out of MI. Miss Pia's being recalled to Germany, and another will be moving to GA.
Silver lining: If I get transferred to .de, I'll be able to hang with Miss Pia! and if the other gal is in GA, I'll have someone cool to visit in the South. So far I haven't really known anyone to voluntarily move below the Mason/Dixon. (ok, there was one guy who fled to FL after a breakup, but I couldn't really go visit him, as I'd done the breakin..)
And, Sheila's probably going to be in Pittsburgh PA this fall, which is not super far away, nor is it as exotic as her last few locales, but it might also be a launching point for further adventures. Assuming she'll be able to take a break from the hectic Grad School Schedule.
So that's it. I'm home, but trying to be on the move. Many of my pals are also on the move. Let's see where we land. :)
I have an interview Thursday for an R&D/liason position HQ'd out of the Detroit office. I really think I want to be in Germany for a couple of years. The 4-6mos of indoctrination don't seem like enough.
It'll be interesting to talk about, though.
On the not good news side: a bunch of friends and coworkers are clearing out of MI. Miss Pia's being recalled to Germany, and another will be moving to GA.
Silver lining: If I get transferred to .de, I'll be able to hang with Miss Pia! and if the other gal is in GA, I'll have someone cool to visit in the South. So far I haven't really known anyone to voluntarily move below the Mason/Dixon. (ok, there was one guy who fled to FL after a breakup, but I couldn't really go visit him, as I'd done the breakin..)
And, Sheila's probably going to be in Pittsburgh PA this fall, which is not super far away, nor is it as exotic as her last few locales, but it might also be a launching point for further adventures. Assuming she'll be able to take a break from the hectic Grad School Schedule.
So that's it. I'm home, but trying to be on the move. Many of my pals are also on the move. Let's see where we land. :)
